Two guys go camping and pack a cooler with sandwiches and beer. After three days of walking, they arrive at a great spot but realise they’ve forgotten a bottle opener. The first guy turns to the second and says,
“You’ve gotta go back and get the opener or else we have no beer.”
“No way”, says the second.
“By the time I get back, you will have eaten all the food.”
“I promise I won’t,” says the first guy. “Just hurry!”

Nine full days pass and there’s still no sign of the second guy. Exasperated and starving, the first guy digs into the sandwiches. Suddenly, the second guy pops out from behind a rock and yells,
“I knew it! I’m not going!”

*

If you’re on a hike and find a fork in the track, what do you do?
Stop for lunch.

*

Another two guys are out hiking. The first guy says, “Did you see that?”
“No,” the second guy says.
“Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead,” the first guy says.
“Oh,” says the second guy.

A couple of minutes later, the first guy says, “Did you see that?”
“See what?” the second guy asks.
“Are you blind? There was a big, black bear walking on that hill, over there.”
“Oh.”

A few minutes later the first guy says: “Did you see that?”
By now, the second guy is getting aggravated, so he says, “Yes, I did!”
And the first guy says: “Then why did you step in it?”

*

How do you start a fire using two pieces of wood?
Make sure one is a matchstick.

*

In an emergency, a drawstring from a parka hood can be used to strangle a snoring tent mate.